Welcome...

...to the First-And-Last Annual Tippettronic's Full-Frontal Robotomy: Me Robo Long Time Robot Building Contest.

The idea for this contest came from a case of extreme boredom. As I sat here at my desk staring at a million points, I decided that I wanted to see something cool, something interesting, something creative, and something new. I also wanted to see some robots.

Pow. Here we are.

I would like to thank the following folks for their significant contributions:

Brad deCaussin for volunteering way more of his time than he probably thought he was volunteering. Brad took all of the photos for us and did so with style and efficiency. The photos are fantastic.

Andy Trickel for allowing us to use the stage and setting up something of a photo studio for us.

The Creators for picking up the gauntlet and building the robots. Where would a robot contest be without robots? Exactly. Nowhere.

Thank you, thank you, thank you all.

The Prize Categories

Here are the categories and their descriptions:

Best Technology: Here we're basically weeding out the high-tech from the low. A gummi robot, while impressive, isn't quite as technologically advanced as one with hydraulic legs and a cybernetic brain.

Most Comedic: Seems self-explanatory. If it makes you laugh or giggle, this is the vote for you. Think "rubber chicken."

Bot-A-Bing: This one isn't the least bit self-explanatory. To be honest, I don't know what this category really is, but there's a prize for it. Maybe it's a catch-all. If a robot doesn't have super technology and isn't terribly humorous, but still deserves recognition, perhaps it gets a Bot-A-Bing vote. Maybe this one could also be called "Most Creative." Or not.

Best In Show: You know what this means. Right?

Voting instructions are at the bottom of this blog, after the last robot entrant.

The Contestants

Without further ado, I proudly present, The Robots!!.

Robert Monkay, by James Brown

See? I told you that you could draw a robot and be officially entered! I personally told Will Groebe about seventeen times to no avail, but his partner in crime cranked out a beauty in about the time it takes to render a playblast. Robert Monkay's name is properly pronounced "rob-ert moan-kay," with a heavy emphasis on the "moan," don't you know.

Wally Woabot, by Andy Trickel

Here we go. After much goading from the Roto department, Mel, Lori, and his lovely wife, Andy relented and decided to build something. Using that Yankee ingenuity, he rummaged around in his basement and came up with Wally Woabot. Using spare parts, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle arms, dismantled and reconfigured hard-drive motors, springs, and a ball of copper wire, Andy's created a masterpiece that not only has two separate power sources (one to run the wheels, one for the spinning arms and bobbing head), but was the first robot completed for the competition! How does he do it?

Oh, yeah, and just for laughs, whenever he needed a distinctly shaped piece of metal that he couldn't find just lying about, he machined it himself.

Jeepers...

XXX, by Kane Brassington

Lo-tech, hi-comedy. These words often describe the Roto department, but they're also quite appropos to XXX. To all of those folks who whimpered about not being able to build a robot or not having enough time or whatever: Not only was XXX made in a few minutes here at the office, but Kane made him for zero dollars using stuff lying about and remade himself in his robot's image for the same zero dollars.

Ha!

Err, by Cleo Lobay

Repeat after me: It's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb, it's not a bomb...

Toasty, by Dan Riha

"You eating lunch here in the shop?"

Joel was right to ask that when I pulled out a loaf of bread and a bread knife while in the shop one day. Toasty is a one-piece robot, sculpted from an uncut loaf of sandwich bread. No moving parts, four ingredients, cloves for eyes, lightly toasted in the Clyde Kitchen toaster-oven.

Toasty has since moved through the bowels of my beloved dog. I hope he was tasty.

Snackster 2.0, by Mel Gauthier

Remember how we said that anything could be a robot, all it needed was a name? Mel took that concept and ran with it, actually coming up with the name first, then building the robot match. Genius! The result is Snackster 2.0. What happened to Snackster 1.0, you ask? Mel is married, you see, and her husband has a voracious appetite. The man will eat anything and often does. Woe to Snackster 1.0, but all hail Snackster 2.0!

Grindy, by Dan Riha

Grindy is the most ridiculous entry into this whole thing. I almost had nothing to do with any of it. The last Sunday before the last week before the entry deadline, I had nothing in the way of a robot. I wandered into Fillmore Hardware and spied a cheap robot kit, appropriate for ages 6 and up. Seeing an opportunity to not crumble under the pressure of my own damned contest, I snatched up the kit with the notion of building it per the instructions and just re-covering it with fun paper. Not a whole lot of technology or thought on my part. After Team Photographer Brad deCaussin posted the photos on his Flickr site, a friend of his not only wanted to buy it, but named it, too.

Grindy is brought to you by Fillmore Hardware, Paper Source, and Nina Hatfield.

The Chipper, by Aharon Bourland

The Chipper is the one that started this whole mess. Aharon innocently sent a photo of The Chipper to Inanity and the next thing you know, we're hip deep into a full-blown Robotomy. Nobody saw that coming. I guess that makes The Chipper something of a VIP. The Grand Marshal of the Robotomy, if you will.

The Chipper is made from re-purposed rabbit fur, forged aluminum, and a sewing machine motor. No, I'm not kidding. Yes, all of those things are accurate. If you don't believe me, check it out for yourself. And keep your hands and feet away from those teeth!

Tampaxatron, by Brian Smith

I don't know whether Tampaxatron is a he or a she, but I do know one thing: Tampaxatron is naughty, naughty, naughty!

The one good thing is that Tampaxatron now has wings.

Smoresborg, by Mel Gauthier

Mmmm...graham crackers! Mmmmm...chocolate!! Mmmmm....marshmallows!!! Mmmmm!!!!! Smoresborg, you are so tasty! I must have you!! I must eat you!!! I must eat you now!!! I cannot resist!!!! You are too delicious, too sinful, too forbidden!!! I'm choking on the gummy saliva of Smoresborg lust!!!

Pauly Shore, by Ross Nakamura

Pauly Shore was created for one purpose, and one purpose only: Revenge, but not in the way you think. Being partly Japanese, Ross grew tired of seeing his partly-beloved Tokyo get trampled time and time again by creatures and robots a hundred times his size. What better way to extract some tasty payback than to create a robot a hundred times smaller than yourself to terrorize? The only way to go one better than that would be to give it a completely joke-worthy name.

Nakamura 1, Pauly Shore 0.

Munchatron, by Adam Gerardin

The less said about Munchatron, the better. I'll only leave you with a touch of advice. When you're made out of a Swiss roll, pretzels, Twix bars, a strawberry, and white chocolate chips, it's best not to taunt your creator by calling him "beat," "slag," or "old and busted." It's just not going to work out in your favor.

Screaming Meanie 5000, by Lucas Moros

Irate that his dad was too busy playing soccer to interact with his own son, Lucas Moros pulled some sweet revenge by turning his absentee dad's cell phone into the Screaming Meanie 5000. What does it do? It beeps. It beeps like a champion. It beeps like nobody's business. When pseudo-dad puts his "cell phone" to his ear, it beeps him into apoplectic rage.

In your face, Steve Moros!

Mah Bukket Bot, by Brian Smith

Jumping on the hottest trends on the internet (blue buckets and misspellings), International Tastemaker Brian Smith has fashioned Mah Bukket Bot. A triumph of high-tensile cranial vibrations and lo-tech tomfoolery, Mah Bukket Bot can do it all, assuming that you just need a robot that can carry nails, hold your turtle while you're cleaning his tank, or ummm....other things that are obviously way beyond my comprehension and imagination.

He can also stand there and look cute 'n stuff.

Coccinella Legomatic, by Morgan Loomis

When Earthlings meet someone who was born and raised on another planet, we generally expect great technological thinking. This holds true for Morgan Loomis, who, until three years ago, lived on the Moon. And it wasn't just that he was living there, he's actually a Moonian. Or Mooninite. Or Moonch. Or whatever is it they call themselves up there. He's one of them. That's all you need to know.

Anyway, Morgan didn't want to completely dominate the contest, so he dumbed down and used some primitive Earth technologies to come up with Coccinella Legomatic, which is probably Moonian for "robot that will eat you from the inside out."

Lightning Bolt, by Drew Stinus Fredenburg

Not only will young Drew (Nate Fredenburg's son) not be finishing his homework, but he also won't be:

1. Mowing the lawn.
2. Cleaning up after the dog.
3. Making his bed.
4. Eating his vegetables.
5. Nice to his sister.
6. Getting rejected by Harvard.

Those are the perks of bad-ass robot building skills.

The Kerminator, by Geoff Wheeler

The Kerminator is as deadly as he looks. He does the dirty jobs so Geoff doesn't have to. Is Labonte getting too uppity with his deadlines and animation tweaks? Pew! Pew! Pew! Problem solved. Are the pay raises not coming quickly enough? P-Blau!! Looks like Geoff is putting a downpayment on a house after all.

Thanks, Kerminator!

Need I tell you to watch your step?

Growbot, by Kane Brassington

Growbot is the absolute latest in hydroponic technology. Holy cats, this robot's got what it takes. A perfect hybrid of organic and robotic technology, Growbot can perambulate over to sunlight, find some shade if it gets too hot, or perch itself under a rainspout if its soil is getting too crusty. He's also equipped with on-board, ceramic "time to water me" worm and CIA-approved night vision optics.

Growbot: The Future Of Farming

Gnarbot, by Adam Gerardin

Not much is known about Gnarbot except that he's got an absolutely filthy mouth. Teamsters, dockworkers, and defrocked nuns have nothing on Gnarbot's vocabulary. He's like a NYC cab driver with Tourette's Syndrome.

@#$%&!!

Great. Now he's got me doing it.

Filmbot, by Jeremy Cho

The Roto department's newest member, Jeremy Cho, brings us Filmbot. Seeing a theme ripe for robotic interpretation, Jeremy built a robot that projects film. Too bad the Lumiere Brothers perfected their own filmbot about 100 years ago. In actuality, it's thought that Jeremy is just using this "robot that projects film" story as a cover. It's widely believed that Filmbot projects images from the future right here in the present. We can't say for sure, since we can't exist simultaneously in the future and the present to see if what is being projected really is from the future, but he vehemently denies Filmbot's capabilities, so it must be true.

Did any of that make any sense? At all?

Fidget, by Kathy Stinus Fredenburg

Nate Fredenburg's lovely wife gives us Fidget. The Fredenburg clan took a field trip to some sort of contraption building store for kids where you let 'em loose amongst bins and bins of loose parts, widgets, and whatnots and see what they can come up with. The story I heard was that Kathy told Nate that it was his damned turn to supervise the kids, whereupon she dove headfirst into a tub of parts for thirty minutes and finally surfaced with Fidget.

I can't confirm the veracity of this account.

Centurion 2, aka Moto Floozie, by John Koester

Centurion 2 is for exhibition only at John K's request. He feels that since he was building it anyway, independent of the Robotomy, he shouldn't qualify. He also claims that he hasn't actually built a "robot."

Has he seen Munchatron?

Silly man.

Voting!

You've seen the contestants, now it's time to vote. Everyone is eligible to vote. It's true!

1. Vote for one robot in each category.
2. Do not vote for the same robot twice. For example, if you vote Gnarbot for Best Technology, you cannot vote for him as Best In Show, too.
3. Everyone gets one vote per category. No ballot box spamming.
4. Do not vote for John K's Centurion 2 - all votes for Centurion 2 will be uncounted.

If you have any questions, email me at driha, but otherwise...

Click here to vote, or email driha.

The Votes Are Tallied...

...the bribes have been deposited, and the time is at hand. Allow me to present to you: The Winners.

Congratulations to all of our champions. A heartfelt thanks to everyone who participated and to all of you who voted. Great turnout, great robots.

Without further ado, since you're not reading this part anyway...

Most Comedic: Tampaxatron, by Brian Smith

Second place: The Kerminator
Third place (tie): Smoresborg; Toasty

Bot-A-Bing: Growbot, by Kane Brassington

Second place (tie): Toasty; The Chipper

Best Technology: Wally Woabot, by Andy Trickel

Second place: Growbot
Third place: The Chipper

Best In Show: The Chipper, by Aharon Bourland

Second place: Wally Woabot
Third place: Lightning Bolt